1. |
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I had a plan and in my head it was a good one
I had a pan and in my head it seemed just fine
I’d simply say goodbye to those I love at Christmas
And then come home and blow the meat out of my mind
When I returned the room was still riddled with rubbish
When I returned the room was lonely, as before
But somewhere between broken bottles and the mattress
I found the will to keep my brains off of the floor
A little bit better (still bad)
A little bit better (still bad)
Days come and go
Got nothing to show
You still might be better off dead
I went to work and tried to focus on the future
I went to work and tried to focus on the screen
But every task I took on seemed to leave me lower
So I browsed the news and drank too much caffeine
The more I sat the more my mind made pins and needles
The more I sat the more the dread dug in my chest
I’d fantasize of all the ways that I would end it
From the safety of my swivel chair and desk
A little bit better (still bad)
A little bit better (still bad)
You called your family today
Had nothing to say
But you didn’t give in to the dread
Ba da das
I woke up and stared for hours at the ceiling
I woke up and stared for hours at the wall
I didn’t feel remorse for not wanting to be here
I didn’t feel too much of anything at all
But there was nothing that could hurt me in that moment
And there was nothing for me in the life I knew
In that moment something unexpected happened
Out of nothing, something grew
A little bit better
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2. |
Come Down Days
03:34
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Mute the alarm
To recover from harm
I dealt to myself last evening
Late to the job
The perpetual slob
Yes, I’m still drunk. No, there’s no point deceiving
Up until dawn
The account’s overdrawn
Now all my balance is liquid
Breakfast this year
Has been yesterday’s beer
Don’t miss a drop, oh no, Heaven forbid
I make the worst excuses
For my substance abuses
It's not a problem, it's a phase
But God I hate these comedown days
Hair of the dog
Same old stale monologue
Forget it, you’re fine, don’t worry
Familiar schtick
Better lay it on thick
I’m certain my vision was always this blurry
I make the worst excuses
For my substance abuses
It's not a problem, it's a phase
But God I hate these comedown days
Lie to myself about the state of my health
And consequence of my choices
Stumble along to the end of the song
Omit the chorus and ignore the voices
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3. |
Anxiety
02:37
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Everything is a crisis
It seems like with each passing year
All I gain are more vices
To manage my recurring fear
I wasted too much time
Looking for the perfect rhyme
Now I’m just the sum of bad habits, bad hygiene, and beer
Everything’s a disaster
It’s too overwhelming to try
There are holes in the plaster
This place is a fucking pig sty
I woke up in a cold sweat
Dreamt I defaulted on debt
I think I’ll be paying it off until after I die
I’ve got so much anxiety
Of every variety
Everything is a nightmare
And I don’t know what I can do
Gotta make a decision
To give up or see it through
I’m still trying to decide
If I’d like to stay alive
And I’m scared to death I’ll find a reason to
I’ve got so much anxiety
Of every variety
There’s no peace
No sweet release
You know I’m always in your company
Anxiety
I'm sorry that today I didn't return calls
I tried to send a message, my skin started to crawl
I'm sorry that I saw you and didn't say hello
That morning I was someone who you don't need to know
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4. |
Michigan's Hand
03:54
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Michigan’s home to a singular brand
A fatalism, on demand
Rubber and chrome built a future on sand
Forged in an industry’s ember
Michigan rose to miraculous heights
On automotive appetites
But everything goes and on the long nights
Those days can be hard to remember
It gets under your skin like a broken splinter
It’s the chill in your bone come the depth of winter
It’s hard livin’ you hardly can stand
Such is the nature of Michigan’s hand
Michigan owns a particular pain
Her fortunes pawned for corporate gain
All the unknowns make it hard to maintain
And it’s tough to trust anyone’s promise
Michigan sobs from the pain in her back
Through lungs that ache and joints that crack
Factory jobs left her body ransacked
But the opiates offer some solace
It’s the light you’ve been walking towards getting dimmer
It’s rough open water for a weak swimmer
It’s hard livin’ you hardly can stand
Such is the nature of Michigan’s hand
Irony’s dead
when you’re bounded by water
But pipes lined with lead
poisoned Flint’s sons and daughters
Less than an hour inland
The future looks bleak
Our leaders and bosses
The cronies who seek
To cover their loss
In this callous card game they command
Bet our lives on the cards in Michigan’s hand
No it don’t differentiate saint from sinner
Do you pay this month’s rent or buy your kids dinner?
Oh, it’s hard livin’ you hardly can stand
Such is the nature of Michigan’s hand
Such is the nature of Michigan’s hand
Such is the nature of Michigan’s hand
Such is the nature of Michigan’s hand
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5. |
Charlotte, NC
03:05
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Anymore
I ignore
Anything seven-oh-four
Same thing goes
For nine-eight-ohs
The whole state, I suppose
Every hour
On the hour
Every day without fail
I see the number on the cell phone and I let it go to voicemail
What’s the point of picking up to tell a robot nothing’s changed?
Four times a day from Charlotte, you think by now they’d know
I still won’t answer ‘cuz the funds are far too low
North Carolina’s calling in the debt I owe
Credit’s wrecked
Last I checked
And they know this I suspect
On the line
One more fine
I’m broke so I resign
Every call
Southern drawl
Every day the same tale
I see the number on the cell phone and I let it go to voicemail
What’s the point of picking up to tell a robot nothing’s changed?
Four times a day from Charlotte, you think by now they’d know
I still won’t answer ‘cuz the funds are far too low
North Carolina’s calling in the debt I owe
I’m not picking up
Still don’t have enough
There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing I can pay
I’m not picking up
Still don't have enough
There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing I can pay
I see the number on the cell phone and I let it go to voicemail
What’s the point of picking up to tell a robot nothing’s changed?
Four times a day from Charlotte, you think by now they’d know
I still won’t answer ‘cuz the funds are far too low
North Carolina’s calling in the debt I owe
Four times a day from Charlotte, you think by now they’d know
North Carolina’s calling in the debt I owe
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6. |
Wasted You
03:18
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Sometimes I smoke to calm my nerves
Sometimes I smoke because it’s what my lungs deserve
I’ve done exceptionally well
Peddling my sadness, getting high off what I sell
I’ll blame it on the chemicals
Surrender to the tentacles
I swear I’ll quit tomorrow but for now there’s time to kill
Sometimes I drink to pass the time
Sometimes I drink to muddy up a restless mind
I have been fashioning a shrine
Of empty cans and empty choruses to this vanity of mine
I’ll blame it on the alcohol
Bad habits, bad cholesterol
We’ll never say for certain why I lack the wherewithal
I’ll blame it on old Catholic guilt
On blood we drank and wine we spilt
I’ll say that I was born imperfect
And this is just the way I’m built
I’ll blame it on society
Surrender my sobriety
And you can pass the bottle
But don’t pass the buck to me
Stop glamorizing it
Just admit you’re full of shit
It’s time to face the truth
You poor excuse for wasted youth
Stop glamorizing it
And just admit you’re full of shit
It’s time to face the truth
You poor excuse for wasted youth
You poor excuse, you’re wasted
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7. |
Therapy
03:33
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Soft rock, soft lamp light
Waiting room, weeknight
Trying to sort things out between my ears
Familiar stranger
Stresses the danger
Of dwelling on doubt and irrational fear
If I never go back to therapy
I’m spared the full extent of what is wrong with me
I have distanced my friends and family
None of this was my intent
What is wrong with me?
Wrong with me
Recumbent red couch
Permanent head slouch
Posture betrays I’m not sleeping enough
I’m sick of whining
Obsessing, and pining
For days when my body would not call my bluff
If I never go back to therapy
I’m spared the full extent of what is wrong with me
I have distanced my friends and family
None of this was my intent
What is wrong with me?
Wrong with me
Wrong with me
Wrong with me
If you cover the rust, cover the rust
With a new coat of paint
It will look a lot better
But you’ll know it ain’t
I can regain your trust, regain your trust
And develop restraint
But bear in mind
I’ll be inclined
To find a new complaint
I should probably go back to therapy
‘Cuz everyone is sick of putting up with me
I'm so sorry, my friends and family
None of this was my intent
What is wrong with me?
Wrong with me
Wrong with me
Wrong with me
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8. |
Well, Adjusted
05:44
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There’s a three for three deal at the party store
After tax and deposit it’s four
It’s enough to get gone if you want to go
But I’m trying not to anymore
There’s a bar down the street you can smoke inside
Whenever the regulars came
I used to be one but I stayed away
Now there’s no one there who knows my name
So I sulk to myself ‘cuz it seems a loss
And drift back to my own abode
There’s a fresh patch of asphalt here, looks brand new
I had no idea they fixed this road
It’s incremental
It takes time
I’ve had to borrow
Some of mine
But I’ll face each day just a bit less disgusted
And soon I’ll be well, adjusted
There’s a house on my block where the lights are out
Security signs on the door
And they boarded it up but it’s just one house
It could be worse, it could be more
So I tell myself things can’t be all that bad
I kept a roof over my head
I held down this job for a couple years
And by all accounts I’m still not dead
It’s incremental
It takes time
I’ve had to borrow
Some of mine
But I’ll face each day just a bit less disgusted
And soon I’ll be well, adjusted
There's a three for three deal at the party store
A three for three deal at the party store
A three for three deal at the party store
A three for three deal, a three for three deal
There’s a black cat who sleeps by my side most nights
Head resting between his paws
He don’t seem aware of his perceived luck
And he doesn’t seem to mind my flaws
I glance at my phone as I’m dozing off
And see a new message arrive
I read her name as I close my eyes
And I dream of futures I’ll survive
It’s incremental
It takes time
Please, help yourself to
Some of mine
When she says she loves me my heart says to trust it
She tells me I’m well, adjusted
There’s a three for three deal at the party store
After tax and deposit it’s four
At least that’s what it was the last time I went
I don’t go too often anymore
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Border Patrol Detroit, Michigan
Border Patrol is a lyrically driven folk-rock group from Detroit, Michigan and Windsor, Ontario. Blending elements of traditional bluegrass and folk with punk and indie expression, they feature vocal harmonies and surprisingly upbeat melodies about our impending doom and the monotonies of every day life and love in this modern age. ... more
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